The words people use to describe the inner weather of being alive. Skim, look one up, or come back when you need it.
Anxiety
A natural response to uncertainty or threat, that becomes a problem when it's loud, frequent, or out of proportion.
Anxiety is your nervous system's way of preparing you for something that might go wrong. It's natural, useful in small doses, and a real problem when it's loud, frequent, or out of proportion to the actual situation. Chronic anxiety can feel like a constant low hum of dread, or sudden waves of panic, or a body that won't settle even when your mind knows you're safe.
Related topics: anxiety, health
Related terms: panic-attack, rumination, social-anxiety, stress
Burnout
A state of physical and emotional exhaustion caused by prolonged, unresolved stress — usually work-related.
Burnout isn't just being tired. It's a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from prolonged stress you can't resolve, usually work-related but not always. The three classic signs are: exhaustion, cynicism/detachment from the work, and a sense of ineffectiveness. Burnout doesn't go away with a weekend off — it usually needs a structural change.
Related topics: work
Related terms: stress, emotional-regulation, self-compassion
Codependency
A pattern of putting someone else's needs above your own to the point of losing yourself in the relationship.
Codependency often starts as care. You learn to anticipate someone else's needs, manage their emotions, and make yourself smaller so they can be okay. Over time, your own needs, wants, and identity get lost in the relationship. It's common in families with addiction, illness, or emotional difficulty — but it can show up in any close relationship.
Related topics: relationships, identity
Related terms: boundaries, people-pleasing, shame, vulnerability
Cognitive distortion
A habitual way of thinking that filters reality in an inaccurate, often negative, way.
Cognitive distortions are the automatic thought patterns CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) names and works with. Common ones: catastrophizing (assuming the worst), mind-reading (assuming what others think), all-or-nothing thinking, personalization (taking blame that's not yours), and 'should' statements. They're not character flaws — they're habits your brain learned, often for good reasons, and they can be unlearned.
Related topics: anxiety, identity
Related terms: rumination, anxiety, self-compassion
Derealization
A feeling that the world around you isn't real, or that you're watching it through a fog or a screen.
Derealization (and its close cousin depersonalization) is a dissociative experience where the world feels unreal, dreamlike, or distant. It can be deeply unsettling. It's often a response to stress, anxiety, trauma, or panic. It's not a sign that you're 'going crazy' — it's your nervous system's way of protecting you from overload. If it happens often, please talk to a clinician.
Related topics: anxiety, health
Related terms: dissociation, anxiety, trauma
Dissociation
A disconnection between your thoughts, feelings, identity, or sense of reality — a mental escape from overwhelm.
Dissociation is a spectrum, not a single thing. On the mild end, you zone out during a meeting and lose 10 minutes. On the more intense end, you feel detached from your own body or emotions. It's a survival mechanism your nervous system uses to escape situations that feel too overwhelming to be present in. Mild dissociation is common; persistent or severe dissociation deserves clinical support.
Related topics: anxiety, health
Related terms: derealization, trauma, anxiety
Emotional regulation
The ability to notice, name, and respond to your emotions — rather than being hijacked by them.
Emotional regulation isn't about not feeling things. It's about being able to be with what you feel without being overwhelmed, suppressing, or acting on it in ways you regret. It's a learnable skill. It often starts with simply naming what you feel ('I notice I'm angry'), which alone can reduce the intensity.
Related topics: anxiety, identity
Related terms: self-compassion, mindfulness, stress
Empathy fatigue
The exhaustion that comes from caring deeply about other people's pain for a long time.
Empathy fatigue (sometimes called compassion fatigue) is the specific kind of exhaustion that comes from sustained exposure to other people's pain. It's common in caregivers, healthcare workers, therapists, teachers, parents, and anyone who holds space for others. The classic signs: feeling numb, cynical, or detached; difficulty feeling joy; physical exhaustion that doesn't match the work.
Related topics: work, relationships
Related terms: burnout, self-compassion, stress
Gaslighting
A pattern of manipulation that makes you doubt your own memory, perception, or sanity.
Gaslighting is when someone (a partner, parent, boss, friend) consistently denies your reality — 'that never happened,' 'you're too sensitive,' 'you're imagining it.' Over time, you start to doubt your own memory and instincts. It's a serious form of emotional abuse. The first step is naming it. The next is usually getting support from someone outside the relationship.
Related topics: relationships, identity
Related terms: shame, boundaries, vulnerability
Grief
The emotional, physical, and existential response to loss — of a person, a relationship, a version of yourself, or a future you imagined.
Grief isn't just about death. It's the response to any significant loss — a person, a relationship, a job, a home, a health, a future you thought you'd have. It comes in waves, not in a line. It can show up as sadness, anger, numbness, relief, guilt, or all of them at once. There is no timeline. 'Moving on' is usually a myth — 'moving with' is closer to the truth.
Related topics: grief, transitions
Related terms: trauma, shame, self-compassion
Impostor syndrome
A persistent feeling that you're a fraud, that you'll be 'found out,' even when there's strong evidence of your competence.
Impostor syndrome (or impostor phenomenon) is surprisingly common in high-achieving people. The voice says 'they'll figure out I don't belong.' The fix isn't more credentials — it's recognizing the voice, understanding where it came from, and learning to tell it apart from reality. It often goes hand-in-hand with perfectionism and people-pleasing.
Related topics: work, identity
Related terms: perfectionism, shame, self-compassion
Inner child
A therapeutic concept referring to the part of you that still feels and reacts the way you did as a child.
The 'inner child' is a way of naming the part of you that still carries the emotional imprints of childhood — the version of you that learned, often early, how to be in the world. The work is about noticing when that part is driving the bus, and gently re-parenting it with the kindness you didn't always get the first time around.
Related topics: identity, relationships
Related terms: trauma, shame, self-compassion
Loneliness
The painful gap between the connection you want and the connection you have. Not the same as being alone.
Loneliness is not the same as being alone. You can be lonely in a marriage, in a crowd, in a family, or in a city of millions. The pain comes from the gap between the connection you crave and the connection you actually have. It's one of the most common human experiences, and one of the most under-discussed.
Related topics: loneliness, relationships
Related terms: shame, vulnerability, grief
Mindfulness
Paying attention to the present moment, on purpose, without judging it.
Mindfulness is a simple practice that's surprisingly hard: noticing what is happening right now, without getting lost in the story about it. It's not about emptying your mind or being 'calm all the time' — it's about being present to whatever is actually there. The research on it is strong for anxiety, stress, and rumination.
Related topics: anxiety, identity
Related terms: emotional-regulation, rumination, self-compassion
Narcissistic abuse
A pattern of emotional, psychological, or financial abuse by someone with narcissistic traits or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Narcissistic abuse is a specific pattern of manipulation — gaslighting, love-bombing, devaluation, discard, hoovering — typically by someone with strong narcissistic traits or NPD. The long-term effect is often severe self-doubt, anxiety, and C-PTSD. Recovery is real but takes time, support, and often professional help.
Related topics: relationships, trauma
Related terms: gaslighting, shame, boundaries, trauma
Panic attack
A sudden, intense wave of fear or discomfort that peaks within minutes, with both physical and emotional symptoms.
A panic attack is a sudden surge of intense fear that often comes with physical symptoms — racing heart, chest tightness, shortness of breath, dizziness, tingling, a feeling of 'impending doom.' It usually peaks within 10 minutes and is not dangerous, even though it feels like it is. Panic disorder is when panic attacks start to happen often or unexpectedly.
Related topics: anxiety, health
Related terms: anxiety, stress
People-pleasing
A pattern of prioritizing others' comfort, approval, or feelings above your own, often at the cost of your needs.
People-pleasing is what happens when your nervous system learns that your safety depends on others being okay with you. You say yes when you mean no. You apologize for things that aren't your fault. You perform happiness, competence, or 'fine-ness' to keep the peace. It usually comes from a good place (a childhood that required it), and it can be unlearned.
Related topics: relationships, identity
Related terms: boundaries, shame, codependency
Perfectionism
A pattern of holding yourself (or being held) to impossible standards, often accompanied by chronic self-criticism.
Perfectionism isn't the same as high standards. Perfectionism is a relentless inner critic that says 'not good enough, never good enough.' It often looks like overwork, procrastination (you can't start because you can't do it perfectly), self-sabotage, and a persistent sense of falling short. It usually comes from somewhere — often love that was conditional on performance.
Related topics: work, identity
Related terms: impostor-syndrome, shame, self-compassion
Rumination
The habit of replaying the same thought, conversation, or worry over and over, without reaching a new conclusion.
Rumination is the brain's version of running on a hamster wheel. You replay the conversation from three days ago, the decision you can't settle, the future you're worried about. Unlike reflection, rumination doesn't lead anywhere new — it just goes around. The fix usually isn't more thinking; it's interrupting the loop, often by externalizing it (saying it out loud).
Related topics: anxiety
Related terms: anxiety, cognitive-distortion, mindfulness
Self-compassion
Treating yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a good friend in the same situation.
Self-compassion has three parts, per researcher Kristin Neff: self-kindness (instead of self-criticism), common humanity (instead of isolation — 'other people feel this too'), and mindfulness (instead of over-identification). It's not self-pity or letting yourself off the hook. It's a specific, research-backed stance toward your own suffering that makes recovery possible.
Related topics: identity, anxiety
Related terms: perfectionism, impostor-syndrome, shame, mindfulness
Shame
The belief that you are fundamentally flawed or unworthy — distinct from guilt, which is about a behavior.
Guilt says 'I did something bad.' Shame says 'I am something bad.' Shame is one of the most painful emotions, and one of the most isolating. It thrives in secrecy. The first antidote is usually a safe, non-judgmental witness — someone (or something) you can say the shameful thing to, and have it not change how you're seen.
Related topics: identity, relationships
Related terms: self-compassion, vulnerability, inner-child
Social anxiety
Intense fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social situations — beyond ordinary shyness.
Social anxiety is more than shyness. It's a persistent, often intense fear of being watched, judged, or rejected in social situations. It can be specific (public speaking, dating) or generalized (most social situations). It often shows up as avoidance, replaying conversations afterward, or intense self-consciousness during them. It's very treatable.
Related topics: anxiety, relationships
Related terms: anxiety, rumination, shame
Stress
The body's response to any demand or threat — useful short-term, harmful when chronic.
Stress is your body in motion — heart rate up, breathing shallow, muscles tense, mind alert. Short bursts are useful (they help you perform). Chronic stress, where the system rarely comes back to baseline, is what causes the real damage: sleep problems, immune suppression, anxiety, burnout. The fix is usually both reducing the demands and helping the system come back to rest.
Related topics: anxiety, work
Related terms: anxiety, burnout, emotional-regulation
Trauma
The lasting impact of an event or series of events that overwhelmed your ability to cope.
Trauma isn't about the event — it's about the impact. The same event can be traumatic for one person and not another. Trauma can come from a single event (an accident, an assault) or from chronic experiences (neglect, an unsafe home). It lives in the body and the nervous system, not just the mind. It deserves real, often professional, support — and recovery is very possible.
Related topics: health, relationships
Related terms: ptsd, dissociation, derealization, shame
Vulnerability
The willingness to be seen, emotionally, without knowing how it'll land — and the foundation of real connection.
Vulnerability, per researcher Brené Brown, is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. It's the birthplace of love, belonging, creativity, and joy — and the thing most of us are taught to avoid. The paradox: vulnerability is the strength that takes the most courage, and the only path to the connection we actually want.
Related topics: relationships, identity
Related terms: shame, self-compassion, loneliness